Recently I spoke to a local chapter of American Mothers. I taught them five new languages in one morning. They were all attentive learners and picked up the languages rather quickly. Quite an accomplishment, to learn five new languages so quickly, wouldn’t you agree? Okay, I have to confess that the languages taught were the five emotional love languages. That’s right, love languages. I know what you are thinking….this is like one of those personality things, you are assigned a color or an animal, right? Wrong. Believe it or not, each of us does have a primary love language we speak the majority of the time. If you learn all five emotional love languages you can communicate with more people and build more loving relationships. Love is two sided….giving and receiving. Giving is the action side and receiving is the feeling side. We all need to give love and receive love in order to have fulfilling relationships. Receiving is easy….giving, the action side, is a little more difficult. We tend to give in OUR primary love language and that is not necessarily how the other person feels most loved. The other person feels most loved when receiving in THEIR primary love language. These languages are similar to our temperaments. They are things that come natural to us.I liked the fact that the American Mother group is not just about improving relationships with their children; it is about obtaining relationship tools to be better wives, mothers and well-rounded individuals. In turn they teach these skills to their children. Learning how to give love so others feel loved is a great way to improve yourself and your relationships. It is a skill and skills can be learned!
So, how do you know someone’s primary love language? First allow me to tell you what the five love languages are and then I will explain each and the various ways you can discover someone’s primary language as well as your own. Y Acts of Service
Y Quality Time
Y Encouraging Words
Y Physical Touch
Y Gift Giving
Acts of Service. If someone you love has Acts of Service as a primary love language they’ll constantly be saying, “I did this for you, I did that for you.” For example, if Acts of Service is your husband’s primary love language he will say, “honey, I took the trash out for you.” Or he may tell you other household tasks he completed…all just for you. He might say something like, “honey, I changed the oil in the car for you.” Yippee, you are thinking…no black sludge running through my engine. Doesn’t sound too exciting, does it? What your husband is really trying to tell you is, “Honey, I love you and I did something nice for you.” He is telling you his love language is Acts of Service and you know what that means? It means, if you want to make him feel loved, you have to speak in his language! So, make his lunch, iron his shirt, take that tire in to be fixed, clean the garage, or make him his favorite dinner, just do something for him!!!! Quality Time. If this is someone’s primary love language they’ll constantly be asking for time with you. They will say, “Can we spend some time together? Can we sit together and watch TV?” Perhaps they will want to go for a drive. Anything where they can just “be” with you. This is my second primary love language and my husband’s favorite is when I say, “Let’s go look at Real Estate.” “What for?” He asks. “Just to look.” I say. “You go ahead and look, you don’t need me with you, we aren’t going to BUY any Real Estate, are we?” “No, I guess not, but I would like you to go with me.” I have learned that I often have to …..um…..well….you know…..translate for my husband. “I want to look at Real Estate with you because I love you.”“ Oh, um, yeah, okay.” He says. “How about we go out to dinner instead?” He figures at least then he can fill his stomach at the same time he makes me feel loved and he still doesn’t have to look at Real Estate. It works…all I want is time with him. Encouraging Words. If this is your primary emotional love language you like to be praised and encouraged. When I was first teaching…or should I say….translating all of this…to my husband, we had all five children at home and a couple of them were still babies in diapers. I am always looking for praise and recognition for something I have done because this is my number one primary love language. I give it most often to others because it comes natural and I feel most loved when it is given to me. I kept translating this to my husband. I told him that in order for me to “feel” loved, he had to tell me that I did something good and give me praise. He didn’t understand my need for praise and recognition but he would make stabs at it just the same. He knew the more loved I felt, the more giving I was in his love language, personal touch. Many years ago after a long, difficult day at home with five little children, two still in diapers and while attempting to home school the older ones, the house had not had a lot of…..um….well…you know……. attention. Actually, it was pretty much destroyed. After all, we did live in Iowa and it was cold, really cold and muddy. There were hats, gloves, mittens, muffs, coats, underwear, scarves, muddy boots, and various other pieces of clothing strung about the house. My poor husband walked in from work after 14 hours. He knew I was looking for praise when he came in the door and I knew he was looking for a hug. He looked around at the house and then looked at the dog and all the dirty little kids huddled around him. He looked at me with the frazzled hair and an unclothed baby draped on my hip. There were home schoolbooks and papers covering the dining room table and lunch dishes were still sitting in the sink, there was no dinner prepared. He carefully considered the situation and cautiously said, “Um, Shelly, you sure do……um…..look…..well…what I mean is….you sure do diaper a good bottom.” Neither of us were at our best but it got him a hug, which is good for him because his love language is physical touch. Physical Touch. My husband’s primary love language. If it isn’t moving, he is hugging it. He hugs the dog, the cat, (when nobody is looking), the kids and also me, when he can catch me. I don’t like to hug and actually avoid it. This is number five on my list of love languages and I have had to learn to hug him all the time since it is his primary love language. I guess he has had to teach me a few things too. Gift Giving. I have always been grateful this was not either of our love languages because we have always run the household on a tight budget. If this is your love language it can be expensive! The gift-giving people tend to shop for just the perfect gift for someone and they always know when they find it. They are always buying something and I hate to shop for anything!
One of my friends has an entire room of stuffed animals. 
“Yuck! I hate stuffed animals!” I told her. “Why do you have so many?” “My boyfriend gives them to me, he knows I love them.” She says in a weird voice. “What for?” I asked. “Because he loves me, of course,” She answers sharply and continues, “when I come out in the morning he will have decorated my garage or my car with them. He leaves balloons and sometimes other gifts too.” Looking around and handling a few of the stuffed creatures I say, “wow, you should have a garage sale or give them to kids on a hospital ward, there are so many!” “No way! I love getting these stuffed animals from him…it makes me feel so loved.” She said.“ Seems like a waste of time and money to me.” I said. “You could really cash in at a garage sale on these or maybe sell them on ebay.” The frown on her face and shaking of her head made me feel uncomfortable. Like I was being scolded.
Since we last spoke I heard she had built another wing on to her house…you know…for display purposes. She does feel loved though. Guess what her love language is?

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